Fear Of Whales

Tales of a reluctant minister

On Dating

with 4 comments

Pictured: "Christian Dating"I feel, that in the church in particular dating has become terribly overcomplicated to the great detriment of many of our relationships. For the sake of all Men, I’d like to make a few things clear

-The bible has passages that apply in virtually every situation, but it has nothing specific to say about dating. Don’t tell me it does, they didn’t have dating back then. Any idea you’ve developed from scripture about how dating ought to be done is subject to interpretation.

-Despite being a man, and the future spiritual leader of a household, I am regrettably unable to project the will of God for the rest of our lives by the first date. I’m sorry, I just don’t know, That’s what dating is for, if I knew who God wanted me to date, woo and marry. I’d just let her know and marry her

-Interpersonal relationships, especially romantic ones are very complicated and unique. When we find ourselves in an awkward and complicated position that seems sort of romantic, don’t ask me to “Define The Relationship” if you don’t have a word for what kind of relationship it is neither do I, we’re figuring it out, drink your coffee!

-Some relationships however are easy to define. For instance: If you like a boy, and he likes you, you two spend inordinate amounts of time together, talk about your feelings, make plans to go places alone together, and leave groups to go hang out just the two of you, there’s a word for that. It’s called “dating” It doesn’t make it more somehow more holy if you call it just being friends, there’s a word for that too “lying”.

-Nobody has ever been able to explain to me how a relationship that can be terminated at any time for any reason by the single consent of either party can be considered “committed”. There are only two kinds of committed romantic relationships I know of. One is marriage, and the other is the period that comes just before that after I promise to marry you called “Engagement” You’ll know if you’re in either. There will be a ring.

-The word “courting” seems to change definition depending on which Christian girl I’m talking to. But I’m pretty sure whatever it is I’m not interested. Either it’s essentially the same as dating, or the same as engagement, only more Christiany… Please refer to This Post, on how changing things to make them Christian is an ancient heresy.

-I haven’t read that book that you did about dating, and chances are I wish you didn’t either. I get really sick of Christian women telling me they want me to lead them, and this is exactly how they want me to lead them and into what.

-You do not ever owe a man anything for spending money on you, that is his choice. Prostitution is illegal in this country, If a man expects something in exchange for dinner he deserves to be both disappointed and dumped. More than likely however, you’re just over thinking it, If a christian guy asks to take you to dinner, that’s probably exactly what he wants, just smile and enjoy the free dinner, it it turns out he wanted anything other than your company it’s his stupid mistake.

Did I miss anything?


Written by RyanGaffney

October 6, 2010 at 12:43 am

Posted in Uncategorized

4 Responses

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  1. Another excellent post Ryan! I agree with you! I’ve been perplexed for some time about the role of the male being the “spiritual leader” in relationships. I still struggle with what this actually means in a dating concept. Females seem to go overboard on this one (I do understand what it means within a marriage concept though).
    Some things should never be brought up until the relationship is further down the line. I don’t mean in measurement of days, weeks, months, etc. Further down the line = further in maturity. Maybe that means two years.

    I’m pretty much fed up with the dating concept and how females go about it. Where’s the simplicity, darn it!

    P.S. I owe you a phone call. I haven’t forgotten.

    Kyle Hojem

    October 6, 2010 at 8:49 am

    • Thanks Kyle, I’m glad you like it

      Stay tuned for the “Humble Proposal to Reform the Dating System” coming up!


      October 6, 2010 at 2:57 pm

  2. I like all these generalized statements about “females,” because we all know that every uterus bearing human being is exactly the same as the next one. Am I right?

    Also, you are being seriously sloppy in your definition of terms. “dating” is a just a form of “courtship,” which is “the act, period, or art of seeking the love of someone with intent to marry.” If you are dating someone, you are (surprise!) courting them, by way of taking them out on dates. So when you say “whatever it is, I’m not interested,” but then to go on a write an entire post concerning your opinions on courtship (and your preference for the dating version of it), it kind of makes you come off a little ostentatious.

    And so much animosity towards the fairer sex! It makes me wonder, have you ever met a smart girl? Like, ever? Because we hate to be patronized like this 🙂


    October 9, 2010 at 7:55 am

    • I’m sorry if a comment slipped in there that generalized females. it was not my intention to accuse all of any group of anything. Instead I was just trying to “make a few things clear” for the record. These “things” are mistaken assumptions that a certain variety of christian girl is prone to making. The hope is that by bringing these things to light we in the christian subculture could all take a look at how silly it is in reality and have a good laugh at ourselves.

      Because I’m a man, It’s written from a masculine perspective, meaning that the awkward christian tropes i run into are all with women (they’re the only people I date) I certainty do not intend to imply that men are not also guilty of silly dating assumptions… but I don’t come head to head with them.


      October 9, 2010 at 1:30 pm

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